I'll tell you a secret...
Everyone loves a good secret. Right? It makes you feel special when someone trusts you with something personal that they don’t really want everyone else to know. But some secrets are just so good and exciting and juicy that you need to share them. But only with one of your really good friends who you completely trust… right? And then they just tell one of their really good friends who they completely trust, and so the circle continues until it gets back to the person who is the subject of the secret…
The Oxford Dictionary defines gossip as ‘casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true. ’ *
Gossip is a real problem in Christian circles. It’s not like blatant sexual immorality, or murder or even lying. We are quick to condemn those sins as wrong. Very wrong. But our response to gossip is generally nothing more than “yeah, we know its not good, but you know…”. But I want to argue that gossip has the potential to be even more dangerous than these ‘obvious sins’. It has a respectable veneer, but devastating consequences within the church and society. It damages the body of Christ by fracturing relationships where there should be unity and love. Information is distorted as it travels from person to person, important details are omitted and less important parts are emphasised. People get hurt. In the letter to the Romans, Paul reminds us of the seriousness of our sin:
And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God’s decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them. *2
Did you notice that? Those who practice ‘such things’ (including gossip) deserve to die. Just think about that for a second now. Have you considered just how much God hates our sin? It is a serious problem. And a problem that God has gone to great lengths to remedy. Out of his love for us, even though we were sinful and rebellious, God gave up his own Son to a gruesome and painful death so that we could be reconciled to him*3. Because we have been redeemed from our sin and an empty way of life we are now called to live a life that is worthy of God*4. What does that life look like? Loving God and loving others*5. Be quick to think about how you can best love your brothers and sisters in Christ, and very slow to speak about them to others.
One area that Christians need to be extremely careful in is prayer. When does a prayer point become gossip? Are we content to pray for people on our own before God? Or are we seeking the thrill of sharing information with others? In group situations, especially where we have gathered to study the bible, our prayers should be shaped by God’s word and focused on encouraging one other, not on personal information about other people.
I would like to add three things to our Oxford Dictionary definition to help us think about how we can love others. First, gossip is sharing information about someone else without his or her permission. Something told to you in confidence (even if those words were not used) is gossip if you speak it to others. If you aren’t sure, either ask the person who is the subject of the information, or don’t speak. Second, gossip has a lot to do with our motivations. We need to identify our own motives. Try these four questions:
1. Does anyone else really need to know this?
2. Will I receive anything by sharing this information (eg. status, approval by your peers)?
3. Will sharing this information upset the person who is the subject of the information?
4. Will it hurt the reputation of the person who is the subject of the information?
Third, it is possible to be a gossip by only listening. Stop listening. And tell the person who is gossiping why you won’t listen to what they want to say. Lets stand up for what God wants from His people in our relationships.
So actually, I might not tell you that secret. And I won’t listen to that one that you want to tell me.
Author Unknown
*New Oxford American Dictionary
*2 Romans 1:28-32
*3 Romans 5:8
*4 Eph 4:1; Phil 1:27; Col 1:10; 2 Thess 1:11
*5 Matt 22:37-39
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