Singleness and the Eschaton
This week at TEAM we are looking at the topic of “Love, Sex and Marriage – Wise Relationships as Men and Women.” Of course, as we think through such a topic we will inevitably come across the issue of singleness.
One particularly popular book dealing with singleness is “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris.
When I became a Christian, it became clear to me that I had to break up with my non-Christian girlfriend. I read “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” in an attempt to think through a Christian understanding of relationships.
One of the most helpful aspects of this book is that it quite simply presents the biblical view of the nature of ‘love’. Love is not that which makes me feel warm and fuzzy, but that which is good and serves the other person. Harris entitles the chapter on this subject “Looking Up ‘Love’ in God’s Dictionary”.
Harris also helpfully raises the issues of contentment, sexual purity and how to act wisely in friendships with the opposite gender.
One of the oddities about the book, however, is that it is addressing a particularly American culture of dating that doesn’t actually match my observations of how Christians in Australia act as boyfriend and girlfriend. He speaks of people being serially in relationships or striving to be in relationships, and that these relationships are often conducted to the exclusion of other Christian friends.
Certainly, the culture of dating that I have noticed at ECU is not like this! I have been encouraged by the many single people who serve so hard-heartedly at ECU. I suspect that many of you do desire to be in relationships, yet do not let this fact distract you from the work of ministry. This contentment is an incredible blessing from God for which you can be thankful!
While I do agree with many of the conclusions that Harris makes, it seems to me that he uses the Bible quite poorly. The heavy lifting of his argument comes not from the Bible but from quite powerful illustrations. You could indeed prove just about anything using a powerful illustration capped off by a moderately related Bible verse!
One of the effects that Harris’ use of the Bible has is in his view of the purpose for singleness. Harris’ view seems to be that the ‘gift of singleness’ is God’s gift to you in order to grow and to prepare yourself for marriage, hence his subtitle to the chapter, “How to Keep Impatience from Robbing You of the Gift of Singleness”.
There is a curious absence in his discussion about eschatology – that is, a view of the culmination of God’s plans in the return of Jesus – in his analysis of singleness. In Paul’s discussion of decision-making regarding singleness and marriage in 1 Corinthians, he states:
“25 Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. 26 I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. 29 This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, 30 and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, 31 and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.”1 Corinthians 7:25-31 (ESV)
In these verses, the reason for the gift of singleness is not to prepare for marriage, but to prepare for the return of Jesus. We see this in the phrases “The present distress” (v26), “The appointed time has grown very short” (v29) and “The present form of this world is passing away” (v31).
This year in December our National Training Event will be on the topic of “Last Things First: Eschatology” – so come along to find out more!
Despite some reservations, I would recommend “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” for people who are thinking about the issues of singleness and dating, but as with everything it must be read with discernment.
[Stephen Bell]
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