The Clock is Ticking: A Practical Guide to Singleness
Over the last couple of years I’ve found that when your friends start getting married the pressure can suddenly feel like it’s on for you to find a spouse. It doesn’t take much effort for me to think of at least five people I know who were getting married by the start of their third year at uni. In this sort of environment which ‘encourages’ us to find our spouse, it is easy to start thinking “I’d better find someone, quick smart, before all the good ones are taken!” However the bible does not present the goal of being single as finding your spouse. Rather the bible tells us that singleness is a gift from God, and since it is a gift from God it should be used as such, in service to him.
This ‘ticking clock’ mindset is worsened by the idea that there are Super Christians living amongst us with the power to remain single for the rest of their lives. This seems to promote a notion that us normal folk, who know we don’t have this ‘Super Christian’ power, had better find someone before our lusts get the better of us.
Dividing Christians into ‘Super’ and ‘Regular’ flavours probably comes from misunderstanding 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 when Paul says “To the unmarried and widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they can not exercise self control then they should marry, for it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion.”
While Paul does say it is better to remain single, what reason does he give to let us think that those who remain single are somehow Super Christians? Is a consequence of marriage that you hand in your keys to the ‘Bible-mobile’? Is the ‘Bible League’ headquarters only for singles? Do you reveal your secret identity at the marriage ceremony, thus negating your ability to proclaim God’s word? Does the fact that your new wife won’t let you wear your underwear over your pants anymore mean you can no longer understand Scripture? No, don’t be ridiculous!
Paul goes on to explain why it is good for people to remain single: “The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is worried about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.” - 1 Corinthians 7:32-34. Paul wants people to remain single because those who are married are not only trying to serve God but they are also trying to serve their spouse, rightly so, in the marriage relationship. Once you are married, you have more than one focus for your time, your energy and your resources. You no longer have the freedom that you once had to exclusively please the Lord.
The essence of ‘the gift of singleness’ lies in freedom. Those of us who are single have a greater say in how we use our time, what we spend money on, what we devote our lives to, where we get a job and the list goes on. While we are single, we are freer to use the resources we have been given to serve God.
Cedric, a recently married Christian, commented that one of the difficulties he’s found in marriage is that sometimes ministry opportunities must be missed so he can care for his wife. He’s also found that since he’s been married he has had less freedom with both his time and money. The result being that some opportunities to serve could not be followed through because he has had to consider his wife and her needs.
Don’t misunderstand me; I am not saying that marriage is wrong. Neither does this passage say there is anything wrong with marriage, in verse 1 Cor. 7:36 we are told that marriage “is no sin” and in verse 38 “…he who marries his betrothed does well...” Yet the fact is that the marriage relationship restricts your ability to serve God due to the presence of another person who has to be considered and made part of the decision making process. So the fact remains that being single allows greater freedom to serve God than being married does, hence ‘…he who refrains from marriage will do even better.’ v38.
Having examined what the bible considers to be some of the practical differences between the married life and the single life, I ask you ‘Are you using the gift of singleness to Glorify God?’ If you are not married then you are gifted with singleness. Are you still planning to get married? Then remember that the clock is ticking, not regarding the availability of quality bachelors/bachelorettes but rather on the amount of time you have left where serving God is your only focus.
So do not waste your time and energy worrying about whom your future spouse might be or where you will meet them. Will wasting time and emotional energy fretting over not being married actually help you find your spouse? Instead, ask yourself how you can use your time and energy to serve God. There are many ways to do this, studying his word, encouraging your Christian friends and sharing the gospel with your non-Christian friends, using the freedom you have with your money to support Christians who are in full time ministry or buy quality Christian literature. You can use the freedom you have in choosing where you work full time and where you go to church to find places where you can be serving God.
Being single is a gift from God that many of us in our Christian sub-culture will trade in some time in our twenties. This gives most of us somewhere between 1 and 10 years to make the most of being single. The clock is ticking, don’t squander this gift from God, use it for his glory.
[Lachlan Orr]
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